I think that if someone thinks Garfield is hilarious they probably shouldn’t be allowed to have any sort of firearm.

1. Can you believe this ever happened?

I mean, there’s a stretch where the singer is standing on stage, dressed in a bunch of clothes it looked like he picked out of a rubbish bin at Salvation Army, kind of dry humping (from a standing position, mind) the air. And this was sexy. This drove a generation of girls from 15-25 into having to change their underwear. Can you fucking comprehend this? I cannot comprehend this.

2. I want to shoot myself again.

because what a glorious time. What a magnificent, glorious time, not for me particularly, because I could never dry hump the air and have chicks change their underwear because of it. But because _someone_ who looked like this could do it. Because there was a time of life — which I shared in in the way the people in Plato’s cave watched their shadows playing out on the wall — when this was possible. And now it is not possible. Even if I had a billion dollars and was suddenly a playboy, living on a fleet of yachts in Monte Carlo crewed by a saucy team of Russian hookers, drinking champagne out of Gisele’s golden shoe and scratching my ass with the trophy they give for the Nobel Prize in literature –

even then, it wouldn’t be as good. Nothing on this earth could be as sweet as that delusion, as that shared fever dream. Unless I got a robot body somehow.

All my hopes are now hung on the prospect of a robot body.

Also, I’ve forgotten to update on this lately, but the tally stands at 11 total submissions of six different stories, which have resulted in four rejections.

What should I do when I get accepted? Maybe I should start planning. Thailand + whores? Fly to Sydney to see Swanky? Buy a second house? Suggestions welcome.

Due to the volume of manuscripts received each day, we now respond to most submissions via this form. Unfortunately, I’ve decided to pass on this story. Listed below are the most frequent reasons we reject a submission. Any marked reasons means your story fits into that category.

[ ] Does not have an adequate science fiction element
[ ] Does not have an adequate horror element
[x] Fails to hold interest
[ ] Poorly edited manuscript
[ ] Other

A couple weeks into the world of SS submissions and already I hate it. Glad I waited all these years.

10 Tell the truth through whichever veil comes to hand – but tell it. Resign yourself to the lifelong sadness that comes from never being satisfied.

From here, via Caren. I wonder if anyone who’s not trying to write would find anything of interest in this collection of shop talk. You tell me.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to find a good market for “Mutter” which is one of my favorites, a real dark horse from the contest. Nobody has ever said anything about it to me, which either means nobody’s read it or else nobody liked it. At this point I don’t want to know which it is.

Point is, Mutter is sort of a tough sell — speculative fiction about Minnesota white trash, based on a couple guys I know. It’s about a lot of things, but one of them’s class, so when I discovered that Tin House is doing their Fall 2010 issue on “Class In America” I just about pissed my pants with delight, not just because the market fits but because Aimee Bender sometimes teaches at a workshop Tin House runs in the summer. If you don’t remember, Aimee is one of a small number of People Who Changed My Life. It goes like this:

Aimee -> Clarion -> Writing

Meaning: no Aimee, no Clarion, no Writing. I dunno if I’ll “make it” in any significant sense, but I do know, without doubt, that I absolutely wouldn’t be in a position to make it without Aimee.

So cross your fingers, please.

There are three main mechanisms through which high-speed rail can help expand the economy, according to the MPI study. First, HSR expands the labor pool available to firms, bringing talented workers from nearby centers within commuting distance and thus expanding the quantity and quality of available employees. Second, HSR makes more jobs available to workers without making them have to relocate and move to a new home. Third, HSR extends the benefits of other expensive, productivity-enhancing infrastructure such as airports across broad regions. International airports, major research universities, and reference libraries are all more financially viable and internationally competitive when they serve a larger population. High-speed rail allows them to build the scale they need to achieve world-class excellence and also spreads their high costs across a wider population.

These are some of the reasons why ridership shouldn’t be the sole metric for evaluating the need for, or the success of, viable public transportation options.

From Richard Florida, who knows something about economics and cities.

I got it. Five hundred thousand dollars, bitches.

Well, okay. Twenty-one thousand dollars. Even so.

Feels good to finish something, though. I missed it.