It’s better here, anyway. You guys love me. Or pretend to.

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It’s important to have reasonable goals. My goal was to mail a shitload of books from Nashua to Minnesota so I don’t have to haul them across the country. It’s also important to have a plan to realize your goal. My plan was to go to the post office, where they sell boxes, and where it is rumored you can mail stuff.

Attempt 1:

Went to the post office. Grabbed three large (flat) boxes from the rack. Waited in line for a while till the post office guy said “Next.”

“Can you tape these for me so I can use them to ship a bunch of books Media Mail?” I said. The guy looked at me for a moment as I’d asked him something mildly unsettling. He reached behind the counter and pulled out a roll of tape that said “Priority Mail” on it.
“Are you going to ship them Priority Mail?” he said.
“No,” I said. “I’m going to ship them Media Mail.”
“Then no,” he said.
“You won’t give me some tape so I can pay you to ship stuff in your boxes for which I will also pay you?”
“Not unless it’s Priority Mail,” he said.
“Well, forget it, then,” I said. I walked back to the rack and returned the boxes, then left.

Post office loss: three boxes ($10.50)

Attempt 2:

Went to Staples and bought some shipping tape. Back home, found three boxes from around the house: two brown cardboard boxes and one Priority Mail box from when someone in Minnesota had sent me one of the books I was now trying to ship back to Minnesota. Packed the boxes full of books, taped them shut, took them to the post office. Waited in line for a while till the guy said “Next.” It was the same guy as yesterday.

“I’d like to send these boxes Media Mail,” I said.
“What’s in them?” he said.
“Media,” I said. “Books.”

He made a series of grimaces and great sighs as he weighed the first two boxes and slapped postage stickers on them, as if at that moment he’d be getting head from Christina Ricci were it not for me and my stupid boxes. Then he got to the third box.

“Are you shipping this Priority Mail?” he said.
“No,” I said. “Media Mail.”
“It’s in a Priority Mail box,” he said.
“And yet I am shipping it Media Mail,” I said.
“You can’t do that,” he said.
“You can’t ship something Media Mail in a Priority Mail box you already own?” I said.
“No,” he said.
“Well, forget it, then,” I said. I took my box and left. I’ll just haul it across the country because fucked if I’m going back there a third time.

Post office loss: shipping one heavy box full of books ($15)
Total post office loss: ($25.50)

Review of Nashua post office: thumbs down