The other day TLAT Pam sent this link of hair metal videos on YouTube. I watched a bunch of these, including the one for White Lion’s “Wait” which you should watch. Here are some observations:
1. Can you believe this ever happened?
I mean, there’s a stretch where the singer is standing on stage, dressed in a bunch of clothes it looked like he picked out of a rubbish bin at Salvation Army, kind of dry humping (from a standing position, mind) the air. And this was sexy. This drove a generation of girls from 15-25 into having to change their underwear. Can you fucking comprehend this? I cannot comprehend this.
2. I want to shoot myself again.
because what a glorious time. What a magnificent, glorious time, not for me particularly, because I could never dry hump the air and have chicks change their underwear because of it. But because _someone_ who looked like this could do it. Because there was a time of life — which I shared in in the way the people in Plato’s cave watched their shadows playing out on the wall — when this was possible. And now it is not possible. Even if I had a billion dollars and was suddenly a playboy, living on a fleet of yachts in Monte Carlo crewed by a saucy team of Russian hookers, drinking champagne out of Gisele’s golden shoe and scratching my ass with the trophy they give for the Nobel Prize in literature –
even then, it wouldn’t be as good. Nothing on this earth could be as sweet as that delusion, as that shared fever dream. Unless I got a robot body somehow.
All my hopes are now hung on the prospect of a robot body.