Clay Shirkey wrote a blog post that people are talking about. Succinctly, it’s about how men are generally more assertive, self-promoting, and annoying than women are, and how that disparity might put women at a disadvantage.
It’s tempting to imagine that women could be forceful and self-confident without being arrogant or jerky, but that’s a false hope, because it’s other people who get to decide when they think you’re a jerk, and trying to stay under that threshold means giving those people veto power over your actions. To put yourself forward as someone good enough to do interesting things is, by definition, to expose yourself to all kinds of negative judgments, and as far as I can tell, the fact that other people get to decide what they think of your behavior leaves only two strategies for not suffering from those judgments: not doing anything, or not caring about the reaction.
This reminds me of something Peaches said once. We were talking about writing and arrogance, and he said: “Anyone who thinks they have something so important to say that it has to be written down is at least a little bit arrogant.”
I’ve thought about that quote a lot over the years; I can’t remember if I agreed or not at the time, but I agree now, so much so that I’m on board with Shirkey — sometimes it’s important to be a jerk, to think you’re better than other people, to think that you Kick Ass. It’s important because thinking those things will help you keep going when self-doubters would quit; and it’s important because a lot of times in life people will take their cues from you. If you say you are awesome, then who am I to disagree?
(Of course, my personal reaction when I run into these people is to think they’re annoying jackasses, so whatever positive effect might be achieved is more than balanced out. But I don’t think I’m representative.)
The other issue, of course, is whether the advantages of jerkiness will continue to be true. If jerks have all the power then maybe doing whatever will advance your cause with jerks is the optimal strategy; but times are a-changing, and women and non-jerks are rich and powerful, too, though not in as great of numbers. You could do an interesting model of this as a differential equation, and I’m confident under certain parameters having low-jerkiness would be better. The only question is whether those parameters are realistic.
Anyone, the article’s worth a read if you have a minute.