Sometimes I like to save either super good or super bad writing examples. Here’s one of the latter, which I have ripped off in its entirety:
theodp writes “To power the Tools for America’s Job Seekers Challenge, the US Department of Labor tapped IdeaScale, a subsidiary of Survey Analytics, which is headquartered in Seattle with satellite offices in Nasik, India and Auckland, NZ (PDF). According to the Federal Register (PDF), an Emergency OMB Review was requested to launch the joint initiative of the DOL, White House, and IdeaScale to help out unemployed US workers. A cached Monster.com ad seeks candidates to work on the development and maintenance of ideascale.com, but in India at an annual salary of Rs. 200,000 to 300,000 ($4,4000 to $6,600 US). BTW, an earlier White House-sponsored, IdeaScale-powered Open Government Brainstorm identified legalizing marijuana as one of the best ways to ’strengthen our democracy and promote efficiency and effectiveness.’” There’s no guarantee that Indian workers recruited by that Monster.com ad would work on US Department of Labor projects.
How far do you have to read to figure out wtf it’s talking about? I’ve read through it over and over and I’m still not totally sure about what is being reported. Here’s how I would have written it:
“US Govt. attempts to hire Indians software developers for $6600/yr.”