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Story #19: What You Would Say Is Love

sdf,m

This was written by shanusmagnus. Posted on Monday, November 30, 2009, at 9:14 pm. Filed under cat-blog, writing. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Post a comment or leave a trackback.
  • leafmuncher
    Dude, what the fuck? I'm lonely and cold without #20.
  • Is it cheating for me to comment about these? I have to do it for this one -- it's one of my favorites.

    There is so much to like, it irritates me to boil it down to just one thing, but I'll go with the characterization and dialogue (which I'll combine with "and" to make it a single thing). Both are so honest and so genuine and so utterly without judgment. I felt like I was eavesdropping on two actual people and I was honestly stunned and disappointed when the story ended because I wanted to listen to them talk for longer. I also like the untold stories of both their lives.

    As for a dislike -- I think the ending wrapped up a bit too neatly. I'd like to see it a little more open-ended because this story just kind of calls for it. He looks for closure and gets it... sort of... but a bunch of other stuff is opened up at the same time. I'd like the ending to have that feeling to it.

    Really killer job on this one.
  • leafmuncher
    I can't believe you made my wife a whore. And I love how the guy's sister is Karina.

    Liked: The first paragraph really drew me into the story, and the entire thing had a nice cadence to it. Anna tells her story well, and her "syntax" is nicely Russian-flavored.

    Disliked: I was hoping for a bang for an ending, some interesting twist, but the flaw could be in the reader. The whole thing had a consistent vibe to it, sort of like a Catcher in the Rye flavor, so maybe it was just my short-attention span 21st century brain wanting a bit more "ka-pow" to the ending.
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