Monica and I came home tonight from father’s day at my parents’ and somebody had mowed our lawn. My first thought was jubilation – I fucking despise mowing the lawn: it sets off my allergies like crazy and hurts my wrists and is just generally miserable, and as I’ve avoided mowing the lawn I’ve become more reluctant to mow the lawn and it was getting really tall, some little trees had grown up in the backyard and it got worse and worse and that made me even more immobilized with avoidance behavior. Anyway, so I was delighted. Truly delighted simply at the gift, and then delighted that somebody cared enough to do this just for a surprise.
But then I started to worry that this wasn’t a gift from one of my friends, it was an intervention from one of my neighbors, sending a subtle message that we should mow the fucking lawn. Which we should, granted. But now I’m obsessed, wondering if one of my friends has been astoundingly generous and wonderful, or if somebody thinks we’re super big shitbags. Which coming from these neighbors is a hell of a statement.
So anyway. Could whoever mowed my lawn please let me know? Look, if you want to be anonymous that’s okay, just send me a (private) email from some anonymous account or something. But do let me know because now this is worse than having the lawn be as long as it was.
Yes, I know I am a wreck of a human being. I don’t need to be told again.