Among my many issues is the one-two punch of my unwillingness to start things, and my inability to finish things. These traits, more than anything else in my life, have brought me to the sorry condition in which you find me. But at least I’m still fighting.
As evidence of this last I offer this: when I was in New York a few weeks ago meeting with some of my beloved Clarion peeps, I threw down a gauntlet. A clean slate! A contest! On who could finish the most new work, from that point till the end of the year. This wasn’t just self-flagellation, either, since many of my colleagues had fallen into the same trap of non-production as I had, though I don’t think any of them are as steadfastly mired in that damnation as I am.
So far, things are going well, though I began and then jumped away from four stories before finishing a single one, which you can read here. But bit by bit I’m getting back my mojo, and if I get it back then look out world, hello t-shirt with my face on it, which is the prize for winning. There’s a story behind that that I’ll tell you later.
You know what the biggest hurdle to finishing things is, for me? The certainty that what I’ve just done is garbage. I have a pretty sharp critical mind, and can find flaws in damn near anything. It’s hard to turn something in when its myriad imperfections scream so loudly from the page, but you know what? That’s what you’ve got to do. You have to do a rough cut before you can do a fine one, and do you know the difference between an artist who’s a perfectionist, and a non-artist?
Nothing.
View that as a big-ass disclaimer, but view it also as God’s own truth. If I can turn in ten finished stories that have serious problems I will congratulate myself on turning in ten more stories than I would otherwise have turned in.
Poco a poco, my friends. And if you have any thoughts on this topic – about how you do or do not struggle with these issues in your own life, a list of techniques that have been helpful to you, whatever – then please, let’s have it.