The question has been: if I have proven, in various environments, that I can excel, then why can’t I excel in other environments? If I go to Clarion and kick a whole bunch of ass, then come home and kick no ass whatsoever, what happened?
Well, of course life now is radically different than life in Seattle. I could point to any of these differences as _the_ difference. But how much truth would there be in that? Is there maybe a simpler answer? Metafilter featured a great discussion yesterday on a question that I seemingly could have written. One response really stands out:
A sense of shame will change your life.
The nub of your problem is actually pretty common amongst those who were brighter than average as kids and weren’t pushed hard enough. You get used to coasting along with minimal effort and being a big fish in a small pond.
What you need is a bigger pond. Find a way to associate with people who are clearly doing better than you. People’s by whose standards you aren’t “functioning just fine”. If your issues are academic you need to be hanging out with fascinating, intelligent people who make you feel dumb by comparison. If your issues are financial seek out people working three jobs at once who will have no sympathy for your lazy ways. If you want to travel, but keep putting it off, start hanging out in backpacker cafes where the conversations will make you feel like a timid, provincial loser. If the issue is housework you need to be find somebody who believes cleanliness is next to godliness and invite them over to your place.
Our idea of ‘normal’ is defined by the people we associate with. You need to surround yourself by people who will make you ashamed of your apathy instead of enabling it. Big Fish Small Pond Syndrome is hard to eradicate, but not impossible. Shame is one of the best tools in a recovering fish-person’s arsenal.
I hesitate to post this because surely you must all be sick to death of posts that follow this pattern:
1: I want to do something.
2: I’m capable of doing that thing.
3: I don’t do that thing.
4: I ruminate endlessly on why I didn’t do that thing.
Still, as someone told me once, sharing means caring.
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DDB in particular was excited about a Seth Godin idea I linked the other week, the one about taking an hour or two a day, making a plan, and turning into the person you want to be. I remain absolutely convinced that this is a viable thing to do, and that it would absolutely work, with only two simple caveats.
1: YOU ACTUALLY FOLLOWED THROUGH FOR MORE THAN THREE DAYS
2: You picked the right tasks to address in your hour or two.
I’m going to post on this soon. In the meantime, if you’ve been thinking about that topic then let’s hear your thoughts. Does your plan involve making yourself accountable by throwing yourself into some peer group where you’ll look like a tool if you don’t follow through? Will indulging all your usual pathologies now be acutely uncomfortable? What are you hoping to become?